Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
