i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
