he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
