I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
