I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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