I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
