She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Text me some of your sweat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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