There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
