Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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