He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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