Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
