yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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