I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
