There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
