If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
