I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
