I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
