yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
