you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
