Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
