Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
