Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
