The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
