Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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