At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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