Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
