Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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