shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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