Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
