The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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