I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize