I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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