He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, beer. Big fan.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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