One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
