im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
