Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
