Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
