if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
