They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
