So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
