U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
