Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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