Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
