oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
