I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
