He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
