you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
