We're like a lot better than the average bears
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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