What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
