i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Houston, we have a blender
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
