I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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