fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
