honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
