CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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