She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
