what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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