I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
