you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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