these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
