I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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