He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
