my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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