a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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