Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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