I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
