I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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