You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
