C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
