I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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