'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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