My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
