its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
