I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
