I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
