shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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