Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
