Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
