Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
