i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
