Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
